The school year is almost over, and as previously stated, can’t come soon enough. We’re now in baseball season, where Riley is once again the smallest kid on the team. He’s also the most competitive. But there remains this disconnect between his desire to win, and understanding his own role in it happening. To him, winning is something he just wills to happen, and is the responsibility of his teammates. When they struggle pitching, or batting, he gets frustrated and critical. But until the moment comes when it’s his turn to perform, he doesn’t turn that spotlight on himself and think that he can affect the outcome.
Last week during a scrimmage he was playing first base, probably the only chance he’ll get to do that this season, because his ball skills just aren’t there. Two plays came to him. On both throws he planted his foot on first, and extended his glove, and both times the ball whapped in and out of the basket, followed by him throwing his glove, and tears. To make it worse, on a huge hit to the outfield, with him the runner on first, I sent him home as he rounded third base. I knew the second I did it he wouldn’t make it, and he didn’t. More tears and frustration.
And no conversation seems to help. He wants to be good by osmosis, not by practice. When he’s at practice he works hard, but outside the confines of that required time and some playing casual catch that’s more about fun than getting better, he doesn’t want to work at it. I don’t know whether to push harder or lay off completely. I don’t need this kid to be a great baseball player. I want him to give it his best, enjoy it and learn something about himself. And I love his competitive nature…it’s a pure part of him—something I don’t share but admire. It means so much to him to win. It’s amazing to watch. I just wish he had a better grasp on it and a little perspective. But I can’t give it to him.
Anyone who knows how is welcome to teach me. I sure know I have lots of practice to do.
I definitely feel you and while I don't have any answers, I have had this conversation over and over and over again with other parents in the 10 years my kids have been participating in sports.
What I have learned is that that desire to practice hard to get better isn't something you can talk them in to. They've got to want it for themselves. And my kids, for the most part, really didn't. (Maybe because it's easier to be good at EA Sports for xBox than real ones?)
For us, it seems like high school sports have been a good motivator to work harder; and being able to step away from acting as the motivators and letting the coach do it has helped all of us a lot. Plus the camaraderie in high school sports seems different than we've seen up to this point, so I suspect that (and the peer pressure that comes along with it) helps a little.
Getting cut from a team freshman year didn't hurt, either, frankly. Today's kids just expect to be on the team--because they always are (and they're probably getting a trophy for it, too), so the first understanding that it's not a given can rock their world. It was hard to watch, but it changed my oldest's perspective in a hurry. We obviously couldn't resist pointing out the connection between lack of commitment and practice and not making the team, either. But, hey, parents have to get in their 'I told you so's' with teenagers when we can, because we are just.so.stupid.
What worked for us, and eased some of our frustration was stepping completely away (quite literally, freshman year I flat out stopped going to wrestling matches all together) and knowing that we'd given them all the information and knowledge we could give them. The talks, the rules, the sportsmanship, the understanding that to get better you have to work hard. The rest of it is up to them, I think. The passion has to come from them.
My oldest was 2nd in the district and 6th in the state his freshman year. He figured it out, but not, it seems, until we stopped telling him how to do it.
Posted by: kim | May 19, 2011 at 09:09 PM