The doldrums, quite literally, are a part of the sea near the equator where the winds are calm, making it difficult to sail. Inactivity, sluggishness. That could well define my mental, if not my physical state right now. Physically there could not be much more happening...March starts the crazy travel season for us. Traci is in St. Thomas for a client event, then I'm off to Seattle again, then late month we are in New Orleans for a few days alone--with a dash of work thrown in just to keep us from completely unplugging. It doesn't slow down until May.
Mentally, I'm stalled. No wind in my sails. It's March ugly outside. Rain, snow, rain. Our boys are struggling with school. Ky's miserable in class, doesn't like his teacher, gets frustrated at almost any obstacle, and generally is misbehaving. Riley has--for the moment--pulled out of a spectacular nosedive of bad grades, attitude and indifference. You could hear the engines screaming as Traci and I pulled back on the yoke for all we were worth. Somehow we got through to him just before impact. But we're in week one of recovery so it will be on us to keep up the momentum. I could see the light in his eyes though, when he came home and had a fantastic day at school. I'm hopeful there, if depressed for the tailspin the other child seems to be in.
And god, I look outside and wonder why the hell anyone lives in a climate like this. The summers are sweetly wonderful, but each year if feels less worth the seven months of not summer. So many people love fall, but it depresses me to see the leaves fall (and only partly because of the three weeks of cleanup I brought upon myself by choosing a house in the woods). When I was young, winter was hands-down my favorite season. Sledding, snow forts, the snick-snick sound of walking with a snowsuit through the knee-deep drifts. Each winter here I get a self-satisfied frontiersman rush of snowblowing 300' of driveway on that first big snow. It's now gone by mid-December though, when i have to do it for the 2" each day to just get up the hill.
Sigh.
Our plan this summer is to wander the coast of California. San Francisco to San Diego. Maybe park for a week in a small little non-tourist town and see how the left coast lives. I'm looking forward to it.
I tell the boys never to wish away a day to get to something 'next'. I'm struggling with it today, to not wish away this month to see a true glimpse of spring. 4-8" forecast tonight.
I've got no gas in the snowblower.
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